Creating Strong Norms and Positive Behavior Systems | Transformational Educators Ep. 11

What if your leadership legacy began with a popsicle and a push-up contest?

In this episode of Transformational Educators, host Dr. Matthew Flippen sits down with Dr. Rachel Edoho-Eket, Principal of Waterloo Elementary in Maryland and coauthor of Relational Intelligence. Rachel shares the powerful story of stepping into leadership after a beloved principal and rebuilding trust through joy, humility, and consistency. She breaks down how to use relational intelligence to transform school culture, build trauma-informed behavior systems, and lead with empathy, without losing structure or accountability.

If you’ve ever faced the challenge of inheriting a hurting campus or wondered how to lead change with authenticity, Rachel’s story will inspire and equip you.

Key Takeaways:

• Why joy and humility are essential traits in school leadership
• How to build trust quickly when following a beloved leader
• Why relational intelligence is foundational to school culture
• How to gather real feedback that drives actionable change
• Using push-up contests and popsicles to connect with students
• Building behavior systems that are consistent, clear, and trauma-informed
• How “PAW Pals” created strong mentoring moments across the school
• The impact of relational strategies on student attendance and behavior
• Why leaders must embrace feedback, even the hard truths
• The power of proactive, honest communication with families

Best Moments:

00:02:00. “There was a sadness amongst the whole school community.”
00:05:10. “We did some playground blacktop plots with popsicles with the principal.”
00:07:05. “I still think I can beat you.”
00:09:35. “I do a 100-day survey... Please give me feedback.”
00:10:37. “They wanted me to be more consistent with my behavior implementation.”
00:16:14. “Adults need trusted adults too.”
00:18:24. “We saw a decrease in incidents of physical aggression.”
00:22:23. “We are here to support you, and you have my word.”

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Transcript

0:00

I am a firm believer in not taking myself too seriously. Children are going to keep you humble. They do remind me of finding the joy in those little moments and laughing and just enjoying the time and space with children. That is Doctor Rachel Eckert, principal of Waterloo Elementary and coauthor of Relational Intelligence. Her approach to school culture begins with human connection, joy, and humility because she believes the heart of leadership is showing up as a real person that students and staff can trust. I do 100 day survey and I say to the staff, to everybody, please give me feedback on what's working well and what are some things that we can improve, and is there anything else you want to tell me? That's something that I've done at my previous school, and I will continue to advocate for leaders to do. She models relational intelligence by listening first, by centering relationships before systems. She created the foundation needed for meaningful change. We know that students who have experienced trauma need that one trusted adult in their life. That person who we can call on that can help us recenter ourselves when we need that. Kids need the same thing. Today, she explores how trust, consistency, and intentional relationships become the backbone of strong behavior systems and school norms. By the end of this conversation, you will learn how relational intelligence shapes culture, how feedback strengthens communities, and how schools can build systems that help every student rise to high expectations. I'm Doctor Matthew Flippen, and this is Transformational Educators. Thank you for joining us. And welcome to Transformational Educators. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited for this conversation. Yes, absolutely. So, Rachel, so let's talk about when you stepped into Waterloo Elementary School. I understand that you were following a very beloved, leader. And so, there may have been some thoughts about there's no way you can be as good as the leader that we just had. Well, I think there was a general sense of mourning. That's how really I would describe it. There was a sadness amongst the whole school community, the teachers, the staff and the families that have grown up, with this principal, you've been there for nine years. One of my amazing colleagues, Sean and I knew I had some personal anxiety as well around following such an amazing figure. You know, he is an institution in our district and such a strong, relationship centered leader. So I knew that that was something that I was going to have to really put into gear as well, just to keep up the culture that he had helped to established over so many years. Yes, absolutely. And at the same time, I'm sure you saw some things that you also wanted to improve. Then when you were there, what were a few of those that stood out when you first arrived? Every leader, you know, when we are in our own buildings for a long time. I was a previous admin, stayed at my school for nine years as well, and so that was a mourning period for my previous school. And every time you enter into a new building, this is my first time being a principal in a different place. I served as an assistant principal and a principal in the same building. So my experience was limited a bit there to that one specific community. And so coming into a new community for the first time, you do get to see you have a different lens. When you're new in a place, right? You do a lot of listening. You do a lot of observing. And there definitely were some things that we wanted to work on improving. Certainly our literacy and our math scores. We always are interested in improving those attendance rates, those are some of the things that we really wanted to center our leadership team focus on, and also continuing to engage our families in a very meaningful and personal way. So those were some of the things that came up after that first year, kind of during that time of observing and listening and hearing from teachers and our students in the community. Yes, absolutely. You know, and we think about leaders coming in, and oftentimes there's something that's hurting about the campus. And it's interesting. In this case, what's hurting is the morning of the leader that had moved on. Yes. Right. I'll call it healing that needed to go on or just processing through that to, hey, we still have things that we can do as a team. So tell me, what were some of the first actions that you took to build relational trust with your staff and students? So the first thing that I did was I was transferred right after the school year. Now, in typical years, we would have done that transfer process prior to the end of the school year in an ideal setting, and I would have had an opportunity to go over to my new school. And in my the one who was coming to replace me, she would have had an opportunity to come to my previous school. But because that happened after the school year, I really felt a sense of urgency to get on the campus as soon as possible. So one of the first things that we did was I connected with my former principal, the former principal who was at the school, and he connected me with the PTA president. And so we started with the PTA president and at the same time, the leadership team. So those are really the two groups of people that I started meeting first, my assistant principal and the leadership team and the president. And we talked about what were some activities that we could do over the summer. Time to introduce myself to families. Since some families were on vacation and some people, some staff members were not available. So what we started doing was hosting a series of summer events for the community and for the staff. So we did some playground blacktop plots with popsicles with the principal. That was number one. It started with those events. The school really hadn't done those before, but it was very simple to do. It just was some little freezy pops. And we told the community, meet us on the blacktop to play games and meet the principal. So that was a wonderful opportunity. We offered two of those, and at the same time, I also connected with our staff and sending kind of an introductory email. And I said, if you want to come and meet with me, like, please, let's set up a time. So all summer I've been meeting with individuals to hear about our school. And I would ask them, what's something that you love about Waterloo? What makes Waterloo special, and what are some things that we can do to even enhance Waterloo? Even more so, those are really my two questions. And I learned so much information just by those two questions. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, that is so great. I mean, those are such great questions, right? What do you love about it and where some opportunities for improvement now, did you challenge anyone to a push up contest during those events? You know what I actually did over the summer time, when I was, visiting our students. So that's another piece of this. So we had students who were in our summer program. They were on a different site. So I visited the students in different site, and that was actually the first thing I did. I went to see them in the cafeteria when everyone was relaxed, and I introduced myself to some of the students, and there were a few different schools represented. So I asked the staff who were there, who are our students from Waterloo? And so they pointed out a couple of them. And so I introduced myself, and you know, with children, the best way to connect with them is having fun. So I saw a group of boys and I remember going over to the table and I said, hey, I heard some of you go to Waterloo. And they're like, who are you? And I was like, I just want you to know that I was a former athlete, and I feel like I'm pretty strong. And they're like, what? I'm strong too. I played football, I'm like, okay, but how many pushups can you do? And so we just kind of started that banter and a little bit of rapport. And I finally said, listen, I know I have a dress on that I have my heels on, but I still think I can beat you. And so that was it that we got on the floor and started doing push ups. Not only the students from Waterloo, but other kids came over and it just became a moment. And so fast forward, I lost that. First of all, I lost that when the boys definitely beat me. Fast forward into the school year, the students at the time were going into fourth grade. By the spring. I told them I had been practicing and I intended for a rematch during that time. So in the spring time, I challenged them again at recess time, and this time I definitely won. They let me know I did do it. All right. That is fantastic. I love that, you know, it is so true that, you know, as leaders, we need to be able to have fun. Yes, like this is the way there's so much stress that goes into being a leader. There's stress that people can see sometimes and then stress that nobody knows. Right? Because we're handling our personal lives and we are putting on a face to handle our school life and our professional life. Yeah. And so I am a firm believer in not taking myself too seriously. I believe children are going to keep you humble. Either way. They're going to say something to you that is just going to make you laugh or they're going to tell you the truth about something that sometimes I don't want to say, like. So I really appreciate having that experience of being around children every single day, because I do remind me of finding the joy in those little moments and laughing and and just enjoying the time and space with children is a big deal to me. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that is fantastic. So you did, some data gathering and then so what were some of the strategies that you decided? Okay. And as a group that we need to implement. Yeah. You know, sooner than later. So another set that I did that I didn't share with you in the first part was that I gave an anonymous survey in that first 90 days, because sometimes over the summertime you hear information. But when the school year really gets going, that's an opportunity to do another check in. That's pretty early in the year. So I checked in in October and I do a 100 day survey, which usually ends up around October 15th. And I say to the staff to everybody, custodial staff, support staff, teachers, you know, related service providers, please give me feedback on what's working well and what are some things that we can improve. And is there anything else you want to tell me? And that's really where I started gathering with my assistant principal some really hard data. You know, there were some conversations that were lifted off, some feedback that I had heard before. And, you know, sometimes when you ask for feedback, you had to be prepared to receive that feedback. And that's not to say that it was anything bad, but there were some actionable things that we need to do better. And so that was where we really went back with our leadership team and said transparently, hey, here are some things that staff is saying. One example would be they wanted me to do to be more consistent with my behavior implementation. Right. So a student does something that's incorrect. How are we documenting it? Who are we communicating with? What are the next follow up steps and how will the staff know? So that was something that I needed to get better with. And those were some things that emerged from that survey. And so in communication with our leadership team, we talked about what are some of the processes that we're using? Are they working? Are there some things we need to go back with our PBIs team to strengthen and implement? Do we need more positive incentives? Do we need different consequences? Do we need parent conferences? So there's lots of things that we talked about. And then the next step of course, is putting a plan together. So it's very helpful to provide feedback. And I know as leaders we're not always used to asking for feedback. In fact, we get a lot of unsolicited feedback. Right. So that's a part of the job I tell leaders who are coming up, if you cannot take unsolicited feedback, do not step into this role because people are always going to have something to say or provide feedback with. But when the leader takes that vulnerable moment to say to a staff, please tell me what I need to know, because I don't know everything, because I do have blind spots, and it's my intention to make the school as best as we can be together as the leader. Then, you know, you really build trust with people. One of the things that first happened when I sent that survey out, the staff said they had never had a principal ask for that level of feedback before. And I appreciate that because that's something that I've done at my previous school, and I will continue to advocate for leaders to do that. So it's such an incredible practice. And again, you're saying, you know, what are we doing? Well, what do we need to improve. And then the third question is what is it that you want to say. Is there anything else you want? Right. And I think when it comes to building trust and building relationships, asking for feedback is really critical. As a leader, even though sometimes it might be hard to hear. No, I think that's great. And then you took that and you started moving towards, as it related to student behavior. Yes. A norming process for, hey, let's have a process in place for how we're going to handle that. Any behavior, right, adult or student is really important. So let's follow that through a little bit further. So you developed process. It sounded like there were lots of potential yeah elements to it. And then when you got to the implementation what did that look like. Yeah, this was definitely a multi-pronged. And one of the things that I wanted to ensure that the staff knew was that this is a problem or an issue that we have to solve together. There's not one person who has the answers to everything because it's complex issues, right? Behaviors are complex, and there are many needs in our schools today that students are expressing and having demonstrated. And so there were also other people we had to pull in, not just from our school, but also from our central office to say what other practices can we do to support. One of those was trauma informed practices. So last year, our school had a year long training from our school district around trauma informed practices, and those were things that we could implement consistently throughout our school that we hadn't had before. So I think it's more than just sometimes even a school based level. Sometimes we have to activate our special education office. We have to activate a social emotional learning office. There are certain offices that are at the central level that we can also rely upon. Our leadership office is another one. What ideas do you have or even activating our colleagues? Hey, I have my principal colleagues on, you know, group texts. Is anyone else managing this? How are you doing it? Can you show me what flow charts you use? Because that was something that we came up with. There was a need for a flowchart. If this behavior happens, then this happens, right? We need this to be very clear because in addition to me being a new principal in that building, we also hired 20 new people. It was a large shift. And so it wasn't just about the leadership team being new together. You know, as my assistant principal and I were new team together. But there were also people in the building who were new to Waterloo that didn't know some of the practices. So that norming was extremely important. And we began to see improvements. It wasn't overnight, and there still was a conversation later in the springtime when we started to see those behaviors ramp up again. That that time we pulled the staff back together and I said, you know, this is a meeting that is optional, but if you are passionate about this topic, come meet us in the media center at this at 830. And the number of people that came to that meeting, it was amazing that they volunteered their time to come and help us problem solve. And from there, we went back to the PBIs team and came up with some future planning into June and into the summer, so that by August when we started again, we had a firmer plan in place. So it was a year long process and it's still continuing. Yes. No, I love that. Tell me a little bit about how trauma informed practices is supported by your approach with relational intelligence. Yeah, I think that's a great question. They are interconnected. I think the main thing that links relational intelligence and trauma informed practices is that empathy and the understanding that everyone has a story, and we have to take the time to get to know people. If I look at a behavior of a child or an adult and I make a judgment on that person, instead of seeking to understand who they are and why, what is the root of some of those behaviors, then I'm going to be spinning myself in circles over and over again, because I'm not taking the time to connect and to understand. And so that's what I think are they are interconnected. They also have same similar practices, definitely active listening, taking those time to do those touchpoints and check ins with people. Those are really important. We know that students who have experienced trauma need that one trusted adult in their life. And guess what? Adults need trusted adults too. We don't have it all together all the time. All of us have people in our lives. It may be one person, it may be two, but that person who we can call on that can help us recenter ourselves when we need that. Kids need the same thing. So what we're talking about in a school building, one of the other things that came out of that last year of that conversation was a group called Poor Pals. And this is something that Waterloo had done in the past, but they wanted to bring it back. And so Paul Paul's was an opportunity for any staff member to sign up to be a mentor to any child in the building who needed an extra touchpoint throughout the day. And so we looked at the student schedules and we looked at our adult teacher schedules, and we said, if you're free at this time, this child needs a check in and we really try to do it proactively because, you know, we are people of rhythm. Sometimes students have rhythms. They might come in at this hour and then right before lunch should make it a little tricky. And so that's the time for our Paul Paul mentor to come in, take the student on a walk, do a quick, proactive check in with the student. Then the teacher might also connect with the mentor. Hey, did anything new come up? Is there something I should know? How can I support? And it's just been a beautiful way to continue to increase the relationships of any adult, right? So it could be a teacher. It could be someone else in the building that's not their homeroom teacher. That has an opportunity to be another supportive adult in the building. I love it. So let's talk a little data just to support the effectiveness of this. We're talking specifically about student behavior. So if you know, how would you judge the incidence of student behavior? What we saw was when we implemented the Paul Paul's program. On top of that trauma informed practices, we saw a decrease in incidents of physical aggression. That's number one, right. Because there are different coding that we have on those incidents. The but the definitely and that was the one we really wanted to target because safety is number one is reduction that we saw was around disrespect because that one is a little bit like more fluid disrespect to you. Matthew might look a little different to me, but we saw less instances of that tracked. And finally and this is I believe, related. We saw an increase in student attendance rates. So we had been tracking student attendance rates since the start of the school year, and we were really targeting a specific group of students. And we have seen for two years now an increase in our overall attendance. And we know that is because of the relationships and because of the programing that we have supplemented and put into place as enhancements at our school. Love it. How did that affect the turnover of your staff year one into your journey? So this is awesome because this was another thing that I was very nervous about. Right? When you are following a beloved principal and if things are not on great, if they're on shaky ground, people will leave. And so I'm very pleased to share that. We had only two teachers. One went to teach overseas and one went to teach closer to our children's district. And so at our children's school, actually. And so we had a very low turnover rate last year. And that's something that I'm very proud of. Our school community really respects our teachers and staff, and there are many teachers who have been in our building for 20 years or more. And so that institutional knowledge and relationships is critically important to the stability of our community. And so I was very happy to have very low turnover rates. And again, I know that's a testament to the culture that's in our building, but also to the relationships that we have amongst our team members and staff. That's not to say that is perfect, because nothing is perfect, but the staff really works together well. They really support each other and that's something that is beautiful about our school community. Yeah. You know, when behavior is set up where again, there's safety. There's physical safety and psychological safety. Yes. And you've got a stable teaching force. The eventual outcome of that is higher performance. Yes. For students and and student outcome and all that. So yes, I mean that is fantastic Rachel. Incredible love to hear that. Yeah. So tell me back it down to like an individual story. Is there one about a student or a teacher that really touches your heart that you're really proud of? Yeah, I mean, I can think of several ones, but one I'm going to share is about really about a family and about rebuilding trust. You know, when you come into a new environment, there's all sorts of people that you're meeting that may have different experiences with schools and not only with schools, even their childhood schools. So we know that some parents are walking into the building with some not positive experiences with school, and that distrust is real. And so one of my success stories last year was just sitting and listening to one of those families who I knew it could be a barrier because I had spoken with the previous principal. So I really wanted to come in early and meet with the family and have that opportunity to hear what their experiences were. And in the ideal world, how would they, you know, want the school to be. And one of the things was around communication, you know, they wanted to know if anything occurred with their student throughout the day that we were going to be trusted to let them know. Right. And so, unfortunately, I had to make a call to the family and let them know that something happened. The student was okay. But, you know, things occur in schools. And so initially they were upset, as most parents would be. But over the course of the conversation, I just continue to impress upon them. We are here to support you and you have my word that I will always tell you if and when something occurs and how we are handling it. And you know what the end result is. And several weeks had gone by, and I just received this beautiful letter from the family that said, I really appreciate the way that you communicated with us. You know, we don't ever want that to be our first meeting with the principal, but that time was essential for us to trust you and to trust everybody again. And so I thought that was very powerful. Yes, yes. Now, what is it about that particular thing that's so meaningful to you personally? I think for me, again, being new to the school community, it takes time to develop relationships. And the fact that that happened within a couple of weeks really helped me to understand that speed of trust. You know, the book Speed of Trust, it can be done in a authentic way and it can be done quickly. But we have to be people of our word. We have to be consistent with our actions. I can't say I'm going to call you and communicate with you and then not do that. I have to close those loops. I have to let people know that their time and their children are important and valuable to me. And so that just really stuck with me, because if people are distrusting of the principal, it is a very hard road. It's very hard to lead in that environment. And so I was just very thankful that the family afforded me the grace to work with them and their children. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. That really is a beautiful story. And I'm sure that it wasn't just that one family that you were helping encourage and support. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us for sure. So, you know, it sounds like you got off to the right track. I'm trying to imagine, like, what this whole scenario would have been like if you hadn't spent the summer on those very intentional activities. Yeah. I mean, not that you would ever do that, but if you had started like day one of school and tried this, what would have been different? I think it would have just been harder for people. I think you and I kind of spoke about this earlier, but having the visibility and having people see you is going already in the step in the right direction, because people see a name on paper, which is what, you know, the school system emails and say that this person is coming to your school, this principal is leaving your school and the first thing that people do is Google you. They want to know who you are. They want to know about you. They're going to try to gather some level of information. And then you have other people who are not reading emails, and they genuinely did not know that there was a new principal at the school, despite the communication. And so another thing that I did that I didn't share with you was I made a video message for the families and the children, but it was directed to the children to introduce myself to them, because I also wanted them to feel comfortable and knowing my face before they came in. So I recorded a quick two minute video on YouTube. I uploaded it, and then I text message it out and email that to family. So we went right to their phone so that they could open it up and look at it. And, you know, one of the most beautiful things came out of that story. I have to share it really quickly. It was really nice for the students to get to know my name right, because my name is challenging when you first see it. Not hard to say, but it's challenging to look at. So they were learning the pronunciation of it. Okay. But then beyond that, one of my staff members showed the video to her aunt, who was like over 100. She was like 100 years old and she said that. And her aunt lives in Michigan, by the way, and her aunt was captivated by the video because she grew up during desegregation, kind of before that, segregation, before desegregation. And she had not seen a young school leader of color right like her. And so it turned into a really cool opportunity because she told me, hey, she loved the video. And I thought, oh, wow, that's so nice that you showed her I want to meet her. And so we worked together to get on a video call with her, and in Michigan, I did it after school hours, and I met with her and her family. And even though she didn't say a lot, it was so powerful and so sweet to meet her. And unfortunately, she passed away a couple months later. But my colleague still remembers that and just is thankful that we had an opportunity to follow through with meeting her. So sometimes our intent with one group of people turns into something else too. So it was nice to connect with my staff member in that way, because again, I'm getting to know my staff members as well. Yeah, we knew what the extra mile and what a beautiful story. I mean, there's a kindness to you, a joy. Thank you. A lot of courage to and then just bringing your whole self into your work for sure is really. Thank you. So how can aspiring leaders apply a relational intelligence? Yeah, I always encourage leaders who are new to really hone on your active listening skills. This is something that I've had to continue to practice over the years because I'm a talker. I'm someone that like, loves to speak. When I was younger, my reporter, I would say Rachel talks too much like that was actually written on my report card in the 80s. You can't say that anymore. You just say, oh, she's very spirited and has a lot of energy. But in the past, my teachers were very clear, like, you talk too much. So that's something that I've had to learn not to dominate conversations and to really listen, particularly when you're new. Because if I would have gone into my school talking and just setting things in place, that is a recipe for disaster. The better approach is to come in humbly and say that I'm here to support you. Tell me about the school and how I can help. And then you listen. That's the first conversation New Leader should be having with everybody. Yeah, absolutely I love it. Yeah. And really valuing people and their ideas and input. Right. What are your strengths. How can we get you to those into those areas that really flex your skills. Absolutely. So Rachel, where can our listeners connect with you and learn more about your work? I mean, they definitely need to get your new book. Yes. Thank you. It's right here. Relational intelligence is co-written with Doctor Brad Johnson. He is a guru in relationships and relational intelligence, and he also served as a principal and a teacher for many years. So we're very proud of the book. The book can be purchased on Amazon, or you can go to my website, WW that Rachel Adcom that has all of my socials. As Bethany said, I'm very active on socials and I just love connecting with new people. So I would love that opportunity. I'm on Instagram at Rachel Advocate, I'm on Twitter or at Rachel Eckert, and I'm also on LinkedIn at Doctor Rachel Other Wickets. So I'm looking forward to connecting with everyone. Yes, absolutely. And you speak a decent amount as well that I have lots of fun conferences coming up in 2026. And so I'm really looking forward to connecting with everyone. Awesome. Well, you know, I mean, there are so many things that stood out today in this conversation for me. I mean, again, the intentionality, you know, I was thinking about you haven't changed campuses in nine years. So you stepped into this principalship, but very clear game plan and just really proud of how you did that. Yeah. Thank you. And you look at the outcomes. You know, you built a great team. Yeah. Just really, really amazing. Yeah. Great people around to help accomplish that that work. It definitely takes a team effort. And there's always going to be those kind of bumps and bruises kind of along the way. But communication that we talk about in our book is the glue that holds everything together. Definitely communicating with everybody as often as you can really helps with that process. Absolutely. If today's conversation gave you fresh insight or inspired you to lead with purpose, please follow the show and tell a friend it helps us reach more educators who want to make a difference. For more stories, resources, and tools to support your leadership journey, visit Graceland. Edu. Until next time, keep leading with courage and care.